Just Rambling

So...not really too sure what to write. I really just wanted to rant. I am beginning to think I have a tattoo on my forehead that says "casual friend." Apparently I am hard to take seriously as someone to talk to AND cuddle with. I have discovered that guys either want to just kiss me or just need me to help them get through something. Ok, so what's the deal? Hoya, girls? What the freak do we have to do in order to be wanted for all we have to offer? Here is my checklist of attributes you must have in order to be "wanted."

1. Size 4 waist at the most
2. Luscious lips and huge eyes framed in long, dark lashes
3. Eccentric style
4. Play in a band or at least just play an instrument
5. Be compassionate
6. Be made of stone - body and emotions
7. Be a tomboy
8. Be feminine
9. Low maintenance
10. Smart, smart, smart...like super smart
11. Not too smart
12. Carefree and ambitious
13. Focused and goal oriented
14. Independent and strong
15. Doormat

K I am exhausted! My list goes on and on, but I think you catch my drift. It is so contradictory and impossible. It reminds me of that scene in Pride and Prejudice where Caroline Bingley is taling about what makes an accomplished woman and then Mr. Darcy pipes in and gives his two bits. Elizabeth Bennett then goes on to say that she has certainly never met anyone like that before and that "she would certainly be a fiercesome creature to behold." That is exactly how I feel! Way to go Jane Austen...you were WAY ahead of your time! So...the secret...be who you are and go for what you want. Live for yourself and no one else. Take care of you and be who you want to be. The only acceptance you need is your own! Trying to be someone else and measure up to someone else is impossible...so don't do it.

The thing that I always fall into is that I start to gain confidence and someone becomes attracted to me. So, we date and very shortly after the confidence falls away. I change and become who I think they want me to be...so not attractive. Now my goal is to never change for anyone but myself. Unfortunately in order to do that I have had to be a little more defensive and I definitely come off hard. It will all get sorted though...I just need to get comfortable in my own skin.

Yay!!!

Love love