Why My Tummy Is Soooo Big

I think I gained 30 pounds today! Not really, obviously, but I sure feel like it. Let me give you a little overview of my day today so you understand. First you have to know that yesterday I was REALLY tired! I didn't sleep much on Sunday night...as you may tell from my blog that night. I think I got 2 1/2 hours...tops. I had to work at the hospital at 7am, which means that I have to be up 5 am if I wanna do my yoga. Needless to say I turned my snooze on until 6 am. I worked till 3 pm and then it was off to the restaurant. I start there at 4, so I got there around 3:30 and had something to eat. Then I started work and left there around 10:30. I was exhausted. I had just done an almost 16 hour day on hardly any sleep. I do a lot of days like that, but I usually have a little more sleep than that. Plus, I have been sick for a week and a half now so that didn't make it any better. So, by the time I got home I was overtired and couldn't sleep till just after 1 am. Now it is on to my actual day today.

Today I woke up at 11:25. Guess what time I had to work this morning. 11:00. So, I hopped in the shower, combed my hair and brushed my teeth. I was out the door at 11:40...without having anything to eat. Work was busy so I couldn't snack on anything. I finally got around to eating at 3:30. I was so starving by this time that I decided to order something super unhealthy and amazingly delicious! I put my order in for chicken parm (which I have commented on several times that it is the size of my head) with a side of radiatore alfredo and vegetables. When this thing came out it was HUGE! I totally porked on it. Oh the rich, creamy goodness that I could feel expanding my stomach with every bite. I worked for a few more hours and then met up with my roommate and a very good (also shockingly beautiful and teeny tiny) friend...for dinner! I wasn't very hungry and was feeling slightly bloated so I just helped out with the lemon pepper calamari and bread, and then I only ordered an 8 oz tenderloin. This tenderloin, though slightly overcooked, was so tender I could cut it with my fork. It was topped with a gooseberry demi glaze and was served with butter smooth mashed potatoes, carrots and green beans. Heaven! How could I possibly not eat the whole thing?! And, afterwards, how could I possibly not order pistachio gelato? My stomach has never been so satiated and yet so annoyed with me. It is screaming at me to go for a jog or something.

I have to admit that this whole overeating scenario is not a new thing for me. It's hard when you super love food, work in a restaurant that has amazing food, and know the hidden gems of Lethbridge. Yes, believe it or not but Lethbridge has some very different and wonderfully tasty places to eat...you just have to have the in. Oh ya, and I love to bake. I could honestly do it all day. There is something to be said about that whole thing regarding finding something you like to do and turning it into a career. If I could open up a bakery and actually make money at it I would be so happy. As it is I will just have to settle for making myself, my friends, and coworkers fat. It is actually amusing when I bring my baking into the hospital because I either get smiles and "yes!" or I get rolling eyes and "Callie I hate you!"

I say these things to myself though. When I wake up in the morning and make myself some peanut butter chocolate chip cookie dough for breakfast I am saying "yay!," but then I have the day where I have a cookie breakfast followed by a cinammon bun lunch and then top it off with a butterscotch brownie supper and I say "Callie I hate you!" This kind of day also happened when I got home from my visit to Victoria and ate a whole pan of cinammon buns. My roommate and my same shockingly gorgeous friend I previously mentioned have both threatened to take my Kitchenaid away. Mostly because she dreads having to clean my roommate and I with a rag on a stick when we become so grossly obese that we cannot bathe ourselves!

My tasty cinammon buns and my kitchenaid...where all the magic is performed (I know the picture is sideways but I couldn't figure out how to turn it after I uploaded it and I couldn't delete it either to turn it first and then upload it again). I actually think my recipe book is open to the cookie dough brownie recipe I was going to make for breakfast the other day...alas I couldn't because I was out of M&Ms. My kitchenaid is one of my prized possessions. It is a 5 QT pro series with 10 speed control in licorice black. I'm one of those weird girls who get super excited about kitchen appliances. I love my kettle too...one of my favorite birthday presents (ya it is what I asked for).

Anyways, that is why my stomach is so big!

Love love

Foreword of the Book I Will One Day Publish

K ya, so I know I just posted on here a couple hours ago. Today has been a rather trying day. Let me rephrase that...today has been a rather snotty day! I mean that literally and not in the sense of a behavior of some high and mighty. All at once the pressures of the world came crashing down and all my weaknesses, shortcomings, and flaws came stampeding to the surface. I have been laying (lying?...Jenna) in my bed for hours now trying to fall asleep so that I may enter into some sort of peace of mind. Now, I do not have the gift of writing that my darling, amazing, and beloved sister has, but I do find it therapeutic to sit down and write when thoughts are racing through my head.



So, in my therapy session tonight I am going way back into my past to bring to light some fun memories and some sad that I feel have contributed to making me the person I am today.



I was born the 4th of 6 children. I have 2 older sisters, 1 older brother, and 2 younger brothers. My oldest sister is 8 years my senior and my other sister is 4 years my senior. My brothers and I are all very close in age, and growing up they were my best friends. My sisters loved me, but let's face it, I was just a snot nosed, whiney little sister who more than likely wrecked all their treasures. The result from this lack of female companionship and primary male companionship resulted in an uncanny ability to make friends with the opposite sex. Thus, my first childhood friends, outside of my brothers and their friends, were boys. There were 2 boys in particular that I was very close with. One of those boys was Clayton.



This is my story with Clayton: We first met in kindergarten. I will be truly honest and admit that he was also my first schoolgirl crush. Clayton and I and our other companion used to get into all sorts of trouble. I never got punished for it though...perhaps it was my doey eyes and winning charm, or simply the fact that I was a girl and it was much easier to punish the boys. Either way those boys got the worst of it. I would get sent to my desk while they would get booted into the corner or pulled down the hall by their ears. Hoagie Day seemed to be the worst! Anyways, we were very close and even after I started getting some girl friends around grades 2 and 3 we remained inseparable.



On September 7, 1992 we returned home late from a trip to my grandma's house. It seemed that the moment we walked in the door the phone rang and my mom went to get it. Now, my usual custom on returning from my grandma's was to put my knees on one set of stairs and my chin on another set and fall asleep. On this night though I was somehow awake and went up to my room and put on my nightgown. As I was just about dressed for my bed my mom came in the room and said that it was my "aunt Bev" who had called. She then proceeded to tell me that Clayton had been killed in a hunting accident. I don't remember a whole lot that night other than balling into my mother's shoulder. Clayton would have turned 10 in three days. His birthday present was to be a new pair of cowboy boots. He still got the boots but they were instead used as vases on top of his casket.



At this point you may be wondering how this is therapeutic. This is how: I was 9 years old at the time and my best friend had just been killed in a very tragic accident. The experiences of the young are carried with them forever and help form who they will become. This particular experience had a tremendous effect on an already overlysensitive child. To this day this incident brings tears to my eyes and snot to my nose. If only you could see me right now! Also, I learned the gift of life at a young age and how fragile it is. I was left with this idea that we need to be good to everyone becuase who knows what will happen to us or to them tomorrow. I feel much deeper than I believe I would have, but I also have a deep sense of a life beyond this one. The idea of a life beyond this one has always frightened me to the point that I have tried extra hard to make sure I didn't end up in a hot, fiery, dungeon somewhere.



So, if you ever wonder why I feel more than I should emotionally or expect more of myself than possible the above is why. These are not negative things!!! I would not be who I am now if not for this. I will never forget my friend and I always be grateful to him for shaping me into who I am. For it is not the easy things in life that help us develop, but it the hard and the rough times that polish us and smooth our edges. Without them we could not be turned into the priceless jewels that we are.



Finally, in honor of my friend I continue to visit him on his birthday every year. However, this year I was quite ill and have not been able to get out there yet. In an act of remembrance and gratitude for not only his friendship but also for his continuing contribution to my life I carry him with me always...tucked right behind my ear.


Love love!

Just Rambling

So...not really too sure what to write. I really just wanted to rant. I am beginning to think I have a tattoo on my forehead that says "casual friend." Apparently I am hard to take seriously as someone to talk to AND cuddle with. I have discovered that guys either want to just kiss me or just need me to help them get through something. Ok, so what's the deal? Hoya, girls? What the freak do we have to do in order to be wanted for all we have to offer? Here is my checklist of attributes you must have in order to be "wanted."

1. Size 4 waist at the most
2. Luscious lips and huge eyes framed in long, dark lashes
3. Eccentric style
4. Play in a band or at least just play an instrument
5. Be compassionate
6. Be made of stone - body and emotions
7. Be a tomboy
8. Be feminine
9. Low maintenance
10. Smart, smart, smart...like super smart
11. Not too smart
12. Carefree and ambitious
13. Focused and goal oriented
14. Independent and strong
15. Doormat

K I am exhausted! My list goes on and on, but I think you catch my drift. It is so contradictory and impossible. It reminds me of that scene in Pride and Prejudice where Caroline Bingley is taling about what makes an accomplished woman and then Mr. Darcy pipes in and gives his two bits. Elizabeth Bennett then goes on to say that she has certainly never met anyone like that before and that "she would certainly be a fiercesome creature to behold." That is exactly how I feel! Way to go Jane Austen...you were WAY ahead of your time! So...the secret...be who you are and go for what you want. Live for yourself and no one else. Take care of you and be who you want to be. The only acceptance you need is your own! Trying to be someone else and measure up to someone else is impossible...so don't do it.

The thing that I always fall into is that I start to gain confidence and someone becomes attracted to me. So, we date and very shortly after the confidence falls away. I change and become who I think they want me to be...so not attractive. Now my goal is to never change for anyone but myself. Unfortunately in order to do that I have had to be a little more defensive and I definitely come off hard. It will all get sorted though...I just need to get comfortable in my own skin.

Yay!!!

Love love

The Icing on the Cake

I have probably the craziest story you have ever heard! Let this be a testament to you of the kind of people I choose to date. Boys have always been able to deceive me. I tend to think that they are all nice and sweet and perfect, because that is what I choose to see. It doesn't take too long before I start to realize things about them...things that seem off. I choose to ignore it though because I am naive and try to trust people. You know how there are some people who try to see the best in people...I am one of those people. Well it turns out that my last boyfriend invented a whole alterego in order to check up on me. He made up a whole person on facebook saying that we met once. After we broke up he continued to contact me as this other person. He changed his phone number and everything! The best part is that I suspected that it was my boyfriend at the time and now ex the whole time! Finally I had to call him out on it. I just couldn't believe it!!! Please let me know if you have anything you would like to add.

Love love

Oh Happy Day!

Ok...so it is not this day in particular that is happy...although it was a good day today. I am just a little slow at writing about things. However, on this night, or shall I say early morning, I am unable to sleep and am reflecting on the many happinesses I have experienced. So, let's recap the wonderful things that have happened in the last year. I have been working at a hospital as an NA while I am in school to become an RN. I love my job! Sure I get left to deal with the stinky jobs...literally...but I still get to do a lot of worthwhile things (if you ever work in healthcare you will quickly learn how significant pooping is). It has been so exciting for me to get more familiar with the services I will be providing and having an affirmation that this is the field to which I am best suited and will find the most satisfaction. In addition, to be honest, it has given a small head start in school. That's happy! My oldest sister got pregnant and had a beautiful and perfect baby boy on May 19. To this date I have never been happier about anything in my life! Also, my youngest brother got engaged! He is a wonderful example of integrity, independence, and self security. I look up to him so much, and for that I feel slightly ashamed. It should be the other way around. I should have acted as an example to him. However what's done is done and nothing else to say about it other than "such is life" (a very favorite saying of my own). I find it remarkable that he found someone to spend eternity with who truly deserves him. That is the best part...she really does deserve him! So, this is my final happy story of the year...I am gonna have another sister! In my opinion the more the merrier, especially when they are so sweet, cute, caring, and genuine. My new sister is a VERY welcome addition to our family. Family is so wonderful and I feel so blessed to have such a large one.

I have to just point something out. I have had more than four happinesses this year. I am not a dull individual!!!

Now, at this time I am once again going to close my eyes and try to drift off into that wonderful land of dreaming where I hope to pass some hours in deep and restful slumber. It has been awhile though, so wish me luck!

Love love

Words of Wisdom

Top 10 signs you should ditch a guy:

10. He never apologizes when he is an ass to you.
9. He is an ass to you.
8. He tells you he has a lot of money...he doesn't...he's just trying to impress you...or compensate for something.
7. He throws a phone at you.
6. He lies to you a lot!
5. He lies to you.
4. He only hangs out with you when you will buy him something.
3. He tells you that you should join a gym...hell he says he will even pay for it.
2. You have a strange suspicion he is seeing other girl(s).
...and the number one sign you should ditch a guy...
1. Everyone tells you that you are too good for him...they are right...the best part is that you have known it all along!

Seriously ladies...you know what you deserve, so don't settle for anything less! Ya it might suck to be alone but trust me it would be worse to be with someone who doesn't deserve you. You would be miserable. I thought I would be married by 22 at the latest, but I am so glad I'm not! I look at the people that I have dated, and especially the ones I thought I could spend the rest of my life with, and I know that I could not have been happy with them. Being alone has really allowed me to explore the things that I really want and need. I have come to discover that being alone is a good time for me to travel, work, have adventures, learn all sorts of new things, and truly become educated. There is no way I knew myself at 22...I still don't know myself and I'm 27 now! I am excited to get married, but I am more excited to have life experiences first. I believe that through my experiences I am being molded into the person I will truly love and be happy with. I cannot be happy with someone and love someone until I truly love myself. In turn, I cannot be loved the way I deserve until I love and respect myself. That is true happiness...I can wait for that!!!

Love love

Words of Wisdom

So, I have decided to add two new series to my blog. One is titled "The Things You Don't Know About Me Could Fill A Book." The other is "Words of Wisdsom." They are designed to show a bit more of who I am and to let others learn from my experiences. They are meant to be satirical...a big part of my sense of humor. Yet they do still deliver a message about who I am and all that I know. Enjoy!!!

Love love